What can I say. I had violin lesson today and it was only today my teacher realised my exam is in june wtf. So after all these months she was teaching at a really slow pace. I'm all stressed out rn w myes, violin exam and MEP concert audition cus apparently im the school's 'last hope' or wtv they say. I'm scared. I really am. I'm afraid that I will fail my violin exam and waste my parent's money and I will cry :( I will never be able to lift my head up anymore, let alone face my peers.

And i've this feeling that some of my classmates are starting to hate me. I see some of them at the bus stop and they don't look too happy to see me, as though my existence was a hindrance for their happiness. I feel really confused as idk what have I done to offend them, but I really hope that there would not be any bitch fight or whatsover. Therefore I talk to them lesser nowadays lest they really ignore me and stuff and I dont want it to happen as it will affect my emotion wellbeing. Maybe I should stop being so noisy in class so they would notice me less and have less reasons to hate me.

MYEs starting day after tmr.. And I haven't started studying for real and im scared that I will fail oh shit this I will fail terribly. I don't want to take combined sciences and drop amath :( it means no chance of entering a good JC, or even a JC to begin with. Ohwells, studying w chloe tmr I hope it goes well :)

I should stop here now and sleep early ok.


Sometimes you gotta have to lose.

Okay so the Mid-years are coming and I'm scared. What if I fail oh super terribly and get an L1R5 of like 17 I'll cry.

I have so many things on my mind right now I don't know where to begin. Firstly, the mid-years, secondly, my violin exam and expectations of me by teachers, classmates and parents. Can you believe this, in term 1 all my classmates thought I was damn smart or something. One of them even expected me to get an L1R5 of 8 are you kidding me that just goes to show how others look at me as a person and as a classmate.

And my violin exam is prolly coming idk when the exact date is I am not prepared at all I think I'm going to fail my diploma. I really want to do something about this but I have no time ok no one understands and every week I attend violin lessons and although she doesn't show it I know my violin teacher is disappointed in me :( And I dont know how to make her proud. Yes I need to practice where can I find the time to? I have tuitions or CCA every day which means I only have the night to study/homework and by the time I'm done its alr too late to practice. What if I fail my diploma :( I'll be wasting my parent's money and how will everyone look at me I'll get judged and juniors will look down on me wow ok.

To make things worse tong chose me to rep school to perform at the annual MEP concert. And there are auditions what if I dont get thru the principal will be disappointed in me and tong and goh and my classmates and my parents and when word goes round it'll be so humilating :(

After my MYE i will practice my violin ok reality sucks but yes this is the life I chose and there's no turning back.

Labels: PRETTYANT